what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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