This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
even my farts smell like vagina
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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