I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
