Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
