why do cheetos always look like penises
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
