I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My vagina is officially offended.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
