It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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