So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
tell me about the fingering
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