Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
