so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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