my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
