I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
