I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize