Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
