Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
