When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
