My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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