Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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