i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
