Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
