Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
