im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
