His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
In other news, I just burned my penis
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
