Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
