Buhtt sex?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Congratulations! We have a period
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