Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is my gift to your gina
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
