I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
