Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
