Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
