at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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