peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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