Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
