If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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