I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
