Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My vagina is officially offended.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
