Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I want a musical about memes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
