She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
