How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
