He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
