I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
