i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
