i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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