I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
