After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
