he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize