That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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