i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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