if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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