The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
