the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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