should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
