Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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