you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
a search helicopter?!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
