Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
These tits shall not be calmed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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