So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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