hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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