in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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