I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
