At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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