I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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