I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
