I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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