Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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