If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
