is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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