I accidentally burped into my bong.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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