Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
