Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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