im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
