the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
