My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
