She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
