piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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